About


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This website is tailored for mental wellbeing. It is for anyone who is suffering from depression but has no record of mental illness, it is for mental health users and anyone who is interested in this topic. Here we intend to promote mental health awareness. With our modern day hectic working environment, a lot of people are stressed and burnt out without realizing it. When the breaking point is reached, the result is usually disastrous. However, if the early symptoms are recognised correctly, appropriate and effective remedies can be applied, so that there is much less chance of real mental issues. This will benefit the workers, their colleagues and employers, the government too. But most of all, the people who love them.              

The main purpose here is to educate people about mental health and its stigmatization. Why should people who have depression, psychosis or other forms of mental issues be stigmatised? They are just simply people who have been unlucky enough to fall ill, similar to people who catch cancer, diabetics and any other illness. They live and love like everyone else. So why is it that people like us be treated differently like some sort of monster to the level that we always feel we are different and have to hide our illness and suffer in silence. If people understand more about mental health, they would be more sympathetic towards us, and there will be much less discrimination and stigmatization. Anybody can have depression in their lifetime, and I hope that when they go and seek the help of the psychiatrists, they will not feel weak or abnormal. It is of the utmost importance to seek the right professional help at the earliest moment of suspicion or realisation of any mental problem. And there are ways, I can assure you that you will get well before it becomes serious.

I intend to collect as much as possible the amount of data and information on mental wellbeing. I shall place it all in a blog. I shall make my website an interesting place, like posting poetry, songs, real life stories and successes of mental illness, but most importantly, useful and true information. In addition, I hope to have inputs from mental health workers and experts. You are all welcome to put in your comments, experiences and anything you think can be of help and/or use. Your identity is protected, strictly confidential unless you wish to be otherwise. Please drop me a line on my email address if you would like to share with other people your view and thoughts on the topic.


我是個狂躁症(Bipolar Disorder)康復者,第一次發病是在四十多年前在澳洲悉尼讀書時,症狀是開始時覺得異常興奮,好像自己變了非常非常有錢,接下來轉為很恐慌,好像受到了當時共產黨的迫害,這些症狀在治療後消失了,但卻轉為了陷入長期抑鬱症,這個惡性循環在每次復發時出現,揮之不去,我在廿多年前移民到紐西蘭奧克蘭市,很快舊病又復發了,當我回復清醒,不再胡思亂想時,我就想到如果我要好好地生活下去,我一定要自我幫助,於是我便進入大學讀書來充實自己,經過九年漫長的辛勞,我在五十七歲時,取得了文學學士的學位, 自從我決定走上自我充實的路後,我感覺到每一天都充滿了活力,不再整天都賴在床上,無精打彩,無事可做了,我再也不會寂寞,不會對任何事都不感興趣了。我開始重拾過愛,像閱讀,寫作,練字和繪畫,跳舞,聽音樂,彈琴和運動。我成功地打破了那惡性循環,不會再胡思亂想了。我也不再抑鬱,不再恐慌。每天的生活都是充滿意義和活動的。藥物是醫治精神病的必需品。尤其是在危機時刻,但它們大多數是祗能治標而不能治本的。我認為除了身體上對藥物的需要外,病人其實在心理上也需要有所輔助。例如像去找一些自己較為喜歡的活動,嗜好等等,細心培養,讓它能夠可以發展到帶來歡樂,甚至得到有成就感。而有效地消除或減輕抑鬱。當我們達到有成就感時,自然就會有相應的動力。如果每天起來都感覺到自己充滿活力,那就自然不會有任何抑鬱了。這是我自己應用的自強,而有效的方法,大家可以作為參考。成就感是恢復信心的強項,對疾病的康復,有極大的幫助。如果病者的日常生活情況轉好,那麼医生就會減輕用藥的份量,那麼這些藥的副作用就會減少了。治療精神病的藥是很昂貴的,同時也有不少的副作用。如果能有效地運用這些心理協調的策略來減少服用藥物份量,那麼就不但會對病人有好處,而且也可以減少政府在医藥上的經濟負擔。

我這網站是讓需要舒發心中不快,抑鬱者或有關於我復完的問题都可在這 anneho51@gmail.com問我。 -切將是保密。

This is my story, how I attempted suicide, how I was saved, how I love life afterwards.

I am inspired by ‘nuggets of gold’ to share my story of suicide attempt. With this sharing I hope it will help those who harbour such thoughts.

I had been promoted at work and I loved my job. The future of my career seemed promising. I worked so hard, stayed behind always, even worked on holidays and brought work home. What I didn’t realise is that the stress was creeping into my body and mind. I relapsed again. I never told my boss or colleagues that I was seeing a psychiatrist for fear of losing my job. This time I could no longer hide because of my long absence from work. When I came right I went back to work with the idea that I was still a treasured employee. The first day back at work I was turned into a ‘furniture’. I was not to resume my old responsibilities but was put there because it was difficult to fire me. I was angry.The next morning I went back to the office and resigned. And I stayed home until that day:

In the morning I felt depressed, so I went to see my psychiatrist. Nothing much was done to help me to alleviate my mood apart from, I was told later, telling my parents to take precaution. The side effects of my medication came to me again, some side effects that frightened me for years and I was so afraid that it would stay till the day I die. 

‘If I have to suffer this side effect, I would be better off dead,’ I said to my husband. He hugged me but not realising the significance of what that could be.

I remembered that there was a tin of caustic powder which we used to unblock our toilet in the bathroom. Having that in mind, I called a relative hoping to talk to her but could not get hold of her. I went into the bathroom, locked the door, took out the tin of caustic, put some into a cup used for rinsing the mouth, diluted it in tap water and drank it. My throat was burning and it was unbearable, I had to rush out of the bathroom. My husband saw what happened, he quickly took me back to the bathroom, ran water from the tap of the bathtub into my mouth. I remembered he was crying.

My aunt was living just one floor below. My cousin who was a health inspector came up and upon checking that we had three bottles of milk urged my husband to make me drink the milk. The ambulance came, paramedics with a stretched bed took me to the hospital. Outside the hospital waiting were my parents. I could see the concern on their faces. Once inside the hospital the vicious cycle returned - my fear of the communists. I was put in bed in the emergency ward. There were nurses dressed in red uniforms and I associated red with communism. I screamed. I kicked. They had to tie me to my bed. When a nurse dressed in red came close I used abusive language to stop her from coming near. I was fiercely thirsty and demanded water but was left unattended to. Like this the whole night went by. In the morning my parents came, they arranged my discharge and took me instead to a private hospital. 

When my throat no longer hurt I returned home only to discover that my esophagus was narrowed and I could not swallow food. I was sent to a surgeon who suggested widening my esophagus. The operation, however, was not successful and instead the organ was broken. The surgeon referred me to another surgeon to have a major operation. My esophagus was removed, instead part of my stomach was severed and was swung up to connect with my throat and the stomach had to be moved further up, food would go through my throat and into my stomach. My act of the suicide attempt had also brought me not just a lot of physical pain but also a lot of after effects. Up till today I still constantly choke on food which was embarrassing and also brought me great discomforts. Since this episode I promised myself that no matter how hard life may be I will make sure I will not have any suicide attempt. There had been long periods of depression but I struggled on. Life is precious and I am glad I was saved.

To suffer from Bipolar Disorder was actually a blessing in disguise for me. It was because of a relapse some twenty odd years ago that I have rediscovered and further discovered my passions and in developing these passions I attain achievements which is very important to me because I have gained back my confidence, my self-worthiness and motivation. I no longer suffer from depression.

I have gone through lots of pain and I can feel the pain of those who are in the same boat which is why I always reach out to friends or whoever who are going through mental health issues. If my story can help in prevention of suicide, I will be thrilled.

Where to find help and support:

Shine - 0508 744 633

Women's Refuge - 0800 733 843

Need to Talk? - Call or text 1737

What's Up - 0800 942 8787

Lifeline - 0800 543 354 or (09) 5222 999 within Auckland

Youthline - 0800 376 633, text 234,

Samaritans - 0800 726 666

Depression Helpline - 0800 111 757

Suicide Crisis Helpline - 0508 828 865

ReplyForward


I used to hide my mental illness because this is not something glorious to tell others, shameful and I thought I would lose friends as they may think that I'm dangerous. I stigmatized myself as well.  It is only when I had a relapse here years ago that I become open about my illness and I've discovered that most of my friends accept me as I am. It has been a long journey to come to how I am now - well and happy. I, as a Chinese, understand why we hide about our mental health and I'd love to help my fellow Chinese; of course, I'd love to help whoever experiences the illness.




I don't think I had dreams. What I wanted was to study well, had a good job and made a comfortable living. Then I failed at school, couldn't get into university and experienced mental illness which almost took away everything from me. But, I came to New Zealand, a relapse enlightened me. I wanted to get well. I started by self-actualization. With a goal in life, I not only gained back my passions, but I've also discovered several more. I struggle. I begin to have dreams. I become motivated and I no longer suffer from depression. Life is good!

Anxiety



I do get a lot of anxiety these days because I am working on a huge project. Anxiety hits me throughout the day and if I let it get its way I believe I would already have a relapse; but I do, and have quite a few ways to help me out of it. I do all the things I love doing like writing poetry, dancing, singing, drawing… The most recent one, one that works well, is to study. When I concentrate on studying I’m distracted from whatever anxiety I have. The important thing is to make an initiative to do something. I truly understand that most of the time when I feel anxious I don’t really want to do anything, thinking that nothing can help, but I make myself to do them and once I’ve started I find solace. It works for me every time which is why I would like to share my experience with someone who needs it. Don’t let anxiety overtake you, do something you love or you use to love, you will be surprised how it can take you out of distress.

近日我是常常會有很多焦慮的,這是因為我正在做一個非常龐大的計劃,令我整天都遭受到焦慮的打擊。假如我任由它發展下去,我相信我早已經舊病復發了!但是我有不少的應對方法來幫助我解困。我會去做一些我自己很喜愛的活動,例如作詩,跳舞,唱歌和繪畫等等。我最新而很有效的活動,就是學習。當我集中精神去學習時,我是會轉移了所有的焦慮!最要緊的是首先要有想去做一些事的主動先念。我非常意識到在大多數我感到焦慮的時候,我是會不想做任何事的。因為我會認為做甚麼事都將會是無補於事的!但是現在我是會強迫自己去做事,而當我開始做那件事後,我就每次都會找到慰藉。所以我在此願與你們分享這經驗,你們不要讓焦慮超越和控制你,你要去做一些你喜愛或者以前喜愛過的活動,這個解愁解慮的方法的速度和效果,是會令你驚訝的!



I have written a musical and I have come to the stage of fundraising. I have chosen crowdfunding via Boosted NZ. Please support by donation and/or share. Many thanks!

https://boosted.org.nz/projects/reach-out


This is my last attempt. I have written a musical ‘Reach Out’. It is a play about mental health, racism, discrimination, love, and forgiveness... and I have been trying to put it on stage, but with no funding, I can’t employ anyone to have it done since I don’t believe in rounding up volunteer workers. Even though I have tried again and again to get some funds which have been total failures, I now decide to form a team of artists who have experiences of mental illness but are fit to work to help out. I cannot promise a handsome fee but meals will be provided whenever we are at work. Any income from the play will be shared. And you will be having a goal to work on, a chance to bring back confidence and motivation, and a chance to show your capability. What I provide will be my script, my music, my passion and I can assure you my hard work as well. Whoever is interested please send me a message on Facebook or email me (anneho51@gmail.com). If this time again I do not receive any response I will bury my script and forget all about it.

September 28, 2021

It has been particularly difficult for me today. I am feeling quite restless. I believe it has a lot to do with the lockdown. Everyday I check on the number of new cases and am anxious to find out if there has been progress in fighting against the Delta variant. Although I have been taking all this quite well, but six weeks is a long period to handle. I have played the piano, watched movies, YouTube, just to distract myself from the feeling of being trapped. So I plead everyone who can take the vaccination go for yours. It will help us to move out of lockdowns. In the meantime, those who are finding it difficult to face the lockdown, act to help yourself. There are many ways of distracting yourself from bad feelings. I won’t give up on using whatever ways I can to stay well, and there are many, just search for them. Take care!

I did a cartoon which took me less than 15 minutes, but my good mood returns and I can concentrate in doing stuffs. Hoorah!