23 Aug

One of the positive things about me being resigned is the fear of the Mental Health Act/ being forced into the hospital again has been removed from me. Maybe now I can really say I’m fearless. Without the fear, there is no anxiety or stress and at this moment I feel free. I start practising on the piano again today, after the lapse of a few days when I was so sad and my spirit was so low. I begin to sing again. I am interested in learning new things again.
I was watching a YouTube documentary ‘AlphaGo - The Movie/Full awarded - winning documentary’ and I am so impressed. It’s about AI winning the Go game. From it comes these thoughts. While in Hong Kong, I watched a documentary about someone (a doctor maybe? Wasn’t too sure about this) who is working on an app, using AI in the field of medicine. I was talking about the psychiatrists checking boxes to make a diagnosis and I was so against it as the psychiatrists don’t know enough about the patient just by checking boxes. But what interests me about using AI to diagnose has some advantages. The documentary tells about writing a programme where boxes are checked and the AI will explore all the data it has collected to come up with more questions (related ones) for the doctor to ask the patients. Since the data AI has accumulated is so huge that the questions (some the doctors may not even think of asking) will come up with and that makes the diagnosis more accurate. AI is like combining fluid intelligence and crystallized intelligence from experiences (data) like a human does but at a great speed. So AI, in this way will enhance the medical professionals.
The documentary about the Go game brings up an issue - can it replace human capability? I don’t think so, it will enhance our capability and can never replace it. It is we, humans, that come up with such an invention. We use our unique creativity, and we feed in the data. It was interesting to see that Lee Sedol, a global winner of the Go game losing four games out of five while playing against AlphaGo, won the fourth one. He used a tactic differently - he actually was using some strategy outside the box, and then he won. But the computer learns quickly and won the fifth and last game. It is even more interesting to see Lee losing confidence and being so stressed when he lost the first three and then he became resigned, he probably was prepared to lose and then he was calm and found his strategy on the fourth one.
We humans have weaknesses, we are an animal with emotions and sometimes our emotions govern us. When we are anxious, and stressed we tend to make mistakes, when we lose our confidence we are most likely to fail. I remember when I was rehearsing for Dominion Road (a musical), I only needed to read two sentences of dialogue. At the first rehearsal, I memorised the two sentences which were easy but when my turn had come, I tried to go on stage but was blocked by a line of people. I tried to push through and accidentally I knocked my husband’s spectacle off and he was very angry and screamed at me. There and then I could not say those two sentences and I didn’t understand why. Now I know it was because I had lost confidence. It was impossible for me to not be able to recite two sentences. I can see how important our mindset is which is why I am trying to help those who have mental health issues to change their mindset, especially those who harbour suicidal thoughts.

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