13 Jul

In preparation for the court hearing, I have come up with the following which, I hope, will help me find justice.I have been living a fulfilled life since I decided to help myself to be well more than 20 years ago. I graduated with a BA from the University of Auckland in 2009, after nine years of studying at the age of 57. It has been very stressful as I had not been studying since the age of 20 and had forgotten ways of studying. However, I was persistent and I turned my first dream come true. The same year, I got rid of the depression which I was suffering from for decades. How? I have found goals in life and I have been practising psychosocial strategies, with no credit to whatever meds I was taking. I did voluntary jobs as well.My first self-published novel happened in 2015 to be followed by a poetry book in 2017 which consists of artwork from 15 artists who have experiences of mental health issues in the hope of recognising their work, their talent. I have just finished an audiobook on my poetry which will be on sale soon. My first album The Dawn of a Dream is now on sale on my website. My poem The Beast and the Snake which is about stigmatisation has been turned into a song which I have put out free for everyone to listen to. I have created a website which is mainly for mental health wherein I share a lot of poetry, self-help techniques, my experiences of being bipolar, articles I’ve found educational… Quite some years ago I have a business plan on mental health which I am rolling it out now.  This is a commitment I made a few years back and anything I earn from it will be reinvested into the business. I am now a student at the University of Auckland again. I’m doing the Graduate Diploma in Applied Psychology in order to further my study on mental health and under proper guidance (I have decided to quit Uni and do what I’ve been doing all these years - self-learning). As a member of L’Alliance Francaise, I join their functions with the aim to brush up my French. To be able to play badminton and table tennis again make me very happy despite having to try very hard to do the sports as the side effects of meds are a hindrance to these activities. Why have I been ranting about my achievements? It is because achievements have helped me to get well, to find my worthiness, my self-esteem, and my confidence - all I need to be well and stay well. This brings in my plea to be off Mental Health Act and to stop all antipsychotic meds. My diagnoses include poor sleep, loss of appetite, irritability, grandiosity, persecutory delusion (I presume it means my paranoia), inflated sense of self, being spendthrift, hatred of my husband, and harm to myself and others. Well, given a normal person who has undergone what I have been going through and is given a chance to talk about those issues I have and my fight for my physical and mental well-being, and yet was interrupted, don’t you think that person will be feeling angry and irritable? Do we have the right to feel angry and irritable?I have no problem running my business and doing all those things I said I would do if not more, am I having an inflated sense of self? Yes, I remember when I told friends, relatives and doctors that I would be doing all those things they all thought that I was going to have a relapse. I am glad I have proved to all of you that I walk the walk and talk the talk.Ever since I left the hospital I have no problem sleeping and eating. I slept much better when I don’t have to be sedated in order to sleep. And I was off all meds between February 6 and April 4 and during those periods I feel good. I could sleep and eat. The toxicity of the poisonous meds was beginning to wane but I was forced to retake Olanzapine.When I received the money given to me by my mother, I, first of all, gave over $X to my daughter and family and then to others as well. I was very unhappy then, trying to stay away from my husband who has changed into someone lazy, having no motivation, look down on me and a control freak (all in all I hated him as he represented all the attitudes, behaviours that I despised). I stayed in hotels because I had nowhere to go. I paid around $9000 to join a cruise because I really needed something to cheer me up and I can easily afford that, so am I a spendthrift? I lost over $2000 in paying for the stay which I had to give up because police came to the hotel to take me to the hospital. I was so embarrassed in front of all the staff and people who were at the hotel to be taken away by the police. Is it fair that when the cruise was the only gift I gave myself after receiving the money because I needed that to help me to relax and yet I was accused of being spendthrift? I was just looking after myself.Why I can be with my husband now? He has changed a lot, no longer a control freak which is why we can be together and has nothing to do with Olanzapine.Rather than harming myself, I instead am fighting for my physical and mental well-being. When I discovered that I have exhausted my self-help techniques and yet not been able to get well from anxiety I desperately tried to find a psychiatrist as I believed I needed chemical intervention to no avail. It was only on the third visit to the White Cross Hospital that a kind doctor offered to help when I got Dr X to look after me for a short period. So, do I look like someone who wants to harm myself? I have been helping those who have depression and I have successfully talked a few out of their death wish, do you think I will harm others?These days I do quite a bit of music and Chinese calligraphy, both very good in helping me to relax and I so enjoy doing them. I am well-balanced between work and play and I love to socialise. I have asked all the psychiatrists I have seen so far, ‘Why am I under the Mental Health Act’ and just give me one ground that sustains their belief that I am having a relapse and yet I am not given an answer yet.All I want now is justice. If any psychiatrist still insists that I should be under the Mental Health Act please give me the answers to my questions! 

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