18 Jun

One aspect of my bipolar condition is that I can experience "Racing thoughts" when I have a relapse. Sometimes I can recognize it while at other times I am not aware of it at all.  When it occurs, I appear to have enhanced brain power.  I have great ideas and can think at a very fast rate.  I can "solve" problems easily and faster than imaginable.  I believe the main function of my antipsychotics medicine is to slow down enormously these thoughts and hence the associated possible physical activities.  This is to protect and prevent me or my thoughts from racing away and end up getting out of control, like a loose and startled horse galloping wildly.  I can understand that medication can help me in this respect, but unfortunately it can also make me slow and clumsy, and this can sometimes be quite embarrassing as well.  I suppose my mental health condition calls for a delicate balance between being too slow and going too fast to become out of control.  I sincerely hope that my condition can improve  with time, so that a reduction of these medications by the appropriate medical judgement and recommendation can happen.  This will lead to a significant improvement in my alertness and mobility.     

我的狂燥症有一方面是當病發時有我會體驗到“全速湧現的思潮“。有時我是能夠察覺得到,但也很多時候會完全不知道。當它發生時,我似乎有超强的腦動力,我會非常快地有很好的想法。我可以很容易地以不可思議的快速“解決”難題。我想信我現在服用的精神病藥物的主要作用,就是用來減緩我的思想速度。這個做法是用來了保護我和防止我的過度胡思亂想而引致失控,好像一匹受驚脱韁的馬兒在狂奔。我明白到這些藥物的作用是對我有幫助的,但有時這些作用也會令我反應遲鈍和行動笨拙而使我感覺到尷尬。我認為我的現況是需要尋求到一個在思潮全速湧現太快而導致失控與反應和行動太慢之間的一個小心和有技巧的平衡。  我衷心期望我的病況可以漸漸地變好,而令我的医生可以安心地減輕用藥的份量,這樣我就可以顯著地改善我的警覺性和日常行動了。

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